Blossoming Flower (Wildflowers Book 1) Read online

  “Your mother was practical about these things, Flor, and she’s right. I can be progressive, sending you to Europe and America for schooling, but you’re young. It’s easy to give your heart away when you’re young and inexperienced.”

  Flor scoffs, emboldened by the whisky. “Not that inexperienced, dad. You sound old-fashioned, talking like that. This day and age, a girl can fuck like a guy and enjoy herself.” She hates the way it sounds, as if “fucking like a guy” actually means anything. The saying should be women should fuck like women, passionate and fluid. It’s probably far more accurate.

  “Flor, that’s enough,” her father warns.

  “Why? Does it disturb you to see me as more than just your little girl?” Flor pauses to allow her anger to rise to the surface. “I’m not anymore. I’m my own person with complex thoughts, emotions and desires. I’m a sexual being, for god’s sake. I’m more than you could ever conceive I am because of your limitations. I’ve seen the women you screw. You can’t possibly believe that I am one of them so you want to see me as a virgin. Well, Dad, I have news. That ship sailed years ago.”

  Gustavo jumps to his feet and begins to curse in Portuguese. Flor is too angry to hear him clearly. She doesn’t care. It’s liberating to say this out loud. She’s tired of living in a box of labels: rich girl; poor girl; pretty girl; smart girl; sexy girl. She just wants to be.

  The sound of screaming stops Gustavo in his tracks. It takes Flor a moment to realize that it’s coming from her. And it feels good to let it out. For so long she’s wanted to scream at him for putting her in this position. His money gave her freedom but denied it as well. Her cage was a gilded one, as fine and beautiful as money could buy, but it was still just that—a cage. And she wants to break free.

  “I need to go,” she says, her voice hoarse.

  “Where?” He asks.

  Flor doesn’t answer. She’s already out the door.

  Chapter 43

  Mid-way to the stables, Flor slows her pace. She never got around to asking her father about his connection to Belo Horizonte. The dots are beginning to connect—the Brazilian vaquieros, the Marchadors, the very name of the ranch along with her father’s obvious knowledge of the place. Could he own this ranch? She muses. If that were the case, however, why didn’t he tell her about it? Why did she have to go through Poppy to end up here?

  Flor rolls back her shoulders, as if to shake off these nagging questions. None of it is adding up entirely. By the time she reaches the stables, the usual noise and clammer is at a minimum. Only two stable hands are filling the feed bins.

  “¿Donde está, Ge?”

  Alberto, a groomer who arrived from Mexico the previous year shakes his head. “No sé,” he replies.

  Flor motions to one of the horses and tells the young man to saddle the mare for her.

  “Flor!”

  The sound of Collin’s voice sends shivers through Flor. It’s too soon to turn off the emotions she’d been feeling the night before. Of course she still wants him . . . wants to see him, to touch him, to shake him for being so damn imperfect and . . . married. Her head hangs down for a moment while she gathers what’s left of her strength.

  Finally, she turns to look at Collin and holds up a hand. “Not right now, please. I need to go.”

  Alberto places the reins in her outstretched hand before scurrying away. Despite knowing only a bit of English, it wasn’t difficult for him to understand what was going on. Word was spreading among the men that a very undesirable presence was at the ranch, and Flor is his only daughter. It made Alberto nervous to be around her, but he always liked Flor, not letting on that he’d had a slight crush on her like most of the guys he worked with. The ranch was small enough that it didn’t take long for rumors about the Brazilian girl and Collin to take hold. If ever there was proof, it was happening in this moment and Alberto is too polite to hang around and witness it.

  “We should talk,” Collin says.

  Flor mounts her horse. “Now isn’t a good time,” she manages to reply before heading out. As soon as she clears the stables and open paddock, Flor picks up the pace, pushing her horse faster. Her mood begins to shift the farther away they get, feeling lighter and freer, as if she’s moved into another dimension of existence where her father, the root of her problems it seems, does not reside.

  When she can no longer see anything but rolling green hills and cloudless sky, she slows her horse by a small pond. Flor gets off and walks around it, losing her thoughts in the ripples of the water. She sits on a rock at the edge surrounded by tall grass. Eventually her mind comes back to her father’s mysterious connection to the ranch and why everyone at Belo Horizonte kept it a secret. Flor’s ears pick up the sound of hooves landing on the hard dirt. The grass isn’t tall enough to hide behind, and she laughs at herself for even thinking that.

  She looks up at Collin on his horse, the scene reminiscent of when he agreed to train her. Flor doesn’t feel nervous like she did then, but her stomach is in knots as she attempts to sort out her feelings. Compartmentalizing them used to be easy, less so now that the dams have opened, flooding her entire being.

  If she didn’t know him better, the serious look makes him appear angry with her. Now she knows it’s how he masks his fear. He doesn’t want to lose her. That’s what this has been about for him. He was afraid of developing feelings for her, and when he realized it was too late for that, he had to do whatever it takes to keep her in his life. He’s ready to move forward, and now he’s left to wonder if she can move forward with him.

  Signing the divorce papers was all he needed to do to release him from his past, one that had paralyzed him with shame. Since then, he’s imagined a host of possibilities for himself, and they all include Flor. The “what if’s” played through his mind all morning and comforted him like a warm embrace. He loved the idea of finally being with her, burying himself inside of her until the only world that mattered was theirs. Even her impending departure for Smith won’t deter him. He would wait for her, if she’d let him. What’s a year in the life of someone so young if it means the possibility of a greater happiness?

  That’s what he had been telling himself before Suzann arrived. Her desperate attempt to seduce him shook him out of his daydream, which had all but evaporated when he heard Flor’s father was at the ranch. Suddenly, the possibilities grew more distant, and he became terrified that she was slipping through his fingers every minute that he didn’t see her.

  Flor holds his gaze. She used to be afraid of him catching her looking at him, but not anymore. It’s funny how quickly the tables turn in the game of vulnerability. She had believed he’d had the power to hurt her. The reality is that it cuts both ways. His fear, her fear, they were sourced from the same place—both wanted to be loved, yet neither one was able to fully admit it. There was too much doubt, not enough trust to allow them to take that final step.

  Collin dismounts and gathers the reins to bring his horse to water. The light begins to change behind the trees as the late afternoon sun loses its intensity. A cool breeze sweeps in, rustling the leaves and grass at their feet. He wishes he knew how to say the words that feel clear to him but only become jumbled and confused in his mind. I love you doesn’t sum it up. They’re three of the most overused words, individually and when spoken together. He doesn’t even know if they accurately convey what he feels, which is something like love, but reaches a more profound depth than the word evokes.

  It’s her very way of being that he wants, an essence he can’t pin down but she embodies fully. Being around her fills him with a feeling of peace he hasn’t known before and that feeling alone makes him want her in his life.

  Now that they’re a mere few feet apart, the cowboy can’t bring himself to say any of this. The expression on Flor’s face cuts him. She doesn’t want to hear it, not now at least. She needs time to figure out her relationship with her father. She needs time to trust that Collin would do everything in his power never to hurt her ag
ain.

  “How are you doing?” He asks.

  Flor hugs her knees to her chest.

  “Look, Flor. I know it’s not a good time to talk. I just want you to know that whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

  The young woman looks up. “Thanks,” she says quietly. Flor doesn’t have the energy to confront Collin at the moment.

  He continues to stand motionless, watching her as if she’ll change her mind any minute.

  “I need to be alone for a while,” Flor says.

  Collin hesitates, fearing that the longer she has to stew, the greater the chance she won’t forgive him. Then again, he’s left with little choice. He’s the one who had kept his secrets from Flor. If he hadn’t, she would be opening up to him. Of course, she could’ve mentioned her own past, but neither one seemed capable at the time. Now, he wants more than anything to bridge the gap that he feels is beginning to draw them away from each other.

  “Are you sure?” He finally asks, lifting his foot to take a step toward her.

  Flor narrows her eyes at him. “I’m not inclined to lie about my needs.”

  Collin stops cold. The calm in her voice belies her anger. The cowboy walks back to the grazing horse and mounts it. He takes one last look at Flor before riding away, her seemingly indifferent expression triggering one of his greatest fears—she’ll leave without saying good-bye.

  Chapter 44

  Flor loses track of how long she’s been at the pond. It feels like a long time since the sun seems to have begun to disappear, but when she looks up, she notices it’s the dark storm clouds moving in fast that have obscured the sun. She finds it rather appropriate, a strong storm moving in from the South just after her father arrives, as if he brought the bad weather with him. Flor laughs at the irony of it all, the way his arrival has rained on her happiness. The idea that he could affect her this much makes her resolved to push him farther out of her life until it’s on her own terms.

  The way she’s feeling, that could take years—until his actions no longer impact her. When he can accept the fact that he can’t show up out of the blue and dictate Flor’s life to her—and until then she can forge a new kind of relationship with him, one of mutual respect and appreciation. Until then, he’ll have to be patient and go back to Brazil.

  Droplets of rain begin to create small ripples in the pond. Within a blink of an eye, the light drizzle quickly turns heavy. Flor had never seen a storm come in this fast. Water falls in a steady stream over her, and a flash of light in the distance draws her attention to the West. She approaches her horse, hopeful there won’t be any nearby lightning before she can get to cover. But where to go?

  She can’t go back to the ranch. It’s too far and in the direction of the lightning. Quickly, Flor recalls Gary having pointed out a small canopy of wood at the far end of the property. She scans the distance, the rain obstructing her ability to see more than ten feet in front of her. Flor climbs onto her horse and rides East. At least she hopes that’s the direction they’re headed.

  About a half a mile and it seems as if the lightning is getting closer. She picks up the pace, calculating that they must be reaching the place soon. Flor chokes back her fear. She can manage this. It’s a storm, after all, and she’s ridden in rain before. But it all feels a bit foreboding, as if her father’s arrival was more than just raining on her happiness but an omen of some terrible thing to come. She can’t help it. The fear begins to tickle her ear, whispering that she’s not strong enough to be out here by herself, that she’s going to get hurt. Women shouldn’t be alone in the world, she hears her grandmother telling her. Bad things can happen.

  Flor won’t let it be this time, she decides. She ignores the looming insecurities and turns her horse North, the rain intensifying. As much as she doesn’t want to give up, she can’t help but wonder if she’s lost. She should’ve reached the overhang by now. Flor slows her horse and turns around in an attempt to get her bearings. Finally, she notices a dense group of trees and a wooden canopy exactly where she’d prayed it’d be.

  “At least it’s not cold,” she says, running her hand along the wet mane, trying to calm herself and the horse after reaching the canopy. Talking to the horse feels better than talking to herself. The storm doesn’t show any sign of letting up and could go well into the night. Flor takes out a small blanket and wraps it around her, preparing for what could be a long afternoon.

  Suddenly, the hairs on Flor’s neck and arms prickle. A bright flash of lightning slices through the sky, followed by a roar of thunder a split second afterward. The lightning and thunder have become almost apocalyptic. Flor talks to her horse and moves its head down to keep it from bolting. She starts to sing a lullaby, one her grandfather would sing when she was a little girl. She attempts to distract herself by trying to bring the memory to the forefront, recalling where they were and when it happened. She can hardly remember her grandfather’s face. It comes back to her in a blur, but the sound of his voice remains as clear to her as it did that day. It was Easter, shortly before his death. It was shocking to Flor that someone so strong and vibrant could succumb to an illness as quickly as he did. She closes her eyes and continues to hum the tune to herself.

  The sound of her name being shouted brings Flor back to reality.

  “Flor!” She hears again.

  The young woman’s heart soars when she makes out the source of the voice. It’s Collin.

  Chapter 45

  Collin quickly slides off his horse, his eyes skimming over Flor as if searching for injuries. “I’m glad you found this place,” he finally says, tying up his horse next to hers.

  “Me too.” Her heart is pounding so hard it hurts to breathe.

  Seeing Collin back at the stable had filled her with such mixed emotions, which she was tired of feeling. The internal conflict triggered by Collin and intensified by her father’s arrival was beginning to eat away at her strength and replace it with self-doubt. Happy/sad; love/hate; trust/betrayal; joy/misery. They each tugged at the emotional extremes in her heart, and she didn’t want anymore of it. No amount of love is worth the agony.

  Or is it? Collin standing in front of her now makes her think if perhaps it is worth some of it. Yet, she won’t allow herself to forget what he’s done, the deception about his marriage is too strong to ignore.

  “How did you know where to find me?”

  Collin takes off his hat and hangs it on a protruding nail in the post. He runs his hands through his wet hair. Flor notices he’s completely soaked. He hadn’t even put on a slicker before heading out into the rain to search for her.

  Then it dawns on her. “You never went back to the stables, did you?”

  The cowboy leans back on the wooden rail and shrugs his right shoulder.

  “Then you stayed close,” Flor muses. She reaches one hand into a pouch and pulls out a bit of feed for their horses. Flor needs something to distract her for a moment while she absorbs the fact that he stayed despite of her efforts to push him away.

  Flor moves her hand gently over her horse’s neck and finally looks up at Collin. “Why did it take you so long to find me then?”

  He smiles, relieved she’s at least talking to him. He can tell she’s still angry with him. Maybe she thinks she’s hiding it, but he’s attuned to her enough now to recognize the way she tries to mask her emotions. Flor can hardly look at him in the eye.

  “I started to go, but I decided to wait to see if maybe I could catch you riding back. I didn’t want you to think I was hovering so I thought I’d give you plenty of distance. When the storm rolled in, I assumed you were going to come, but you didn’t. I should’ve known you weren’t going to be put off by a storm.”

  Collin shakes his head in exasperation.

  “But then I noticed the lightning and figured I’d check on you and try to get you moving. By the time I got to where you were, you were gone. You ride fast.”

  Flor smiles to herself.

  “I couldn’t tell which w
ay you went, but I figured it would be away from the lightning. And well, he we are.”

  Yes, here we are, Flor thinks to herself. She can feel Collin’s eyes on her, waiting for her to respond. He came looking for her. She knows he wants to make things right. Would an “I’m sorry” be enough? Maybe she needs to hear it before she can decide.

  Flor lifts her gaze to meet Collin’s. “Why didn’t you tell me about your wife?”

  Chapter 46

  “You should be out there looking for her!” Gustavo points a finger directly at Gary.

  For the past thirty minutes, Gary’s endured an endless barrage of threats on the part of Flor’s father, from suing the ranch and Gary personally if she’s been injured to exposing the ranch for fraud. Gary found that latter suggestion laughable, in light of the numerous financial crimes Gustavo had committed, among them defrauding his investors. There’s irony for you, Gary thinks to himself.

  What’s not funny is Flor being out in the storm. Gary doesn’t believe for a moment that such a strong and intelligent young woman wouldn’t know how to handle herself and a horse during a lightning storm. Still, he can’t help but feel uneasy about it. Alberto told him that she had been upset when he last saw her. But more than that, the groomer mentioned that Collin had gone after her. Gary debated whether or not to tell Gustavo that Collin was also out in the storm. Unsure of how Gustavo would take the news, Gary ultimately decided against it. He doesn’t need to get berated anymore.